Butterfly Effect

كيف تفرق بينهم؟

2006-08-17T13:32:00.000+03:00

اليوم أشعر بالحزن ولكن قادرة أن أرى الجمال الذي يختبىء وراءة.

صديقي يهمس لي "يوجد خط رفيع بين الحزن والسكون"

لا أستطيع أن أفرق الان!

Time for the "In"

2006-08-16T12:03:00.000+03:00

Been going out, meeting people, travelling, and hosting friends...etc. It was all about the word "out". Now, I feel it's time to go "in". Would love to sit at home all the time and read, read then read... maybe write, but all alone... Just with me!

I just feel my brain is hungry and been idle or going in similar circles for sometime now while my body and soul were taking the most of the share. I don't regret it because it was needed, but now I feel the equation needs to be switched, at least, for the time being.

Hope I can do it, but after my visitng friend leaves in few days!!

So the next call I get saying: "Would you like to go out for..."
My answer would be: "No, thanks. I'd rather stay 'in'"

are they gone forever?

2005-10-22T16:38:00.000+02:00

Pathetic when you share your feelings with a bunch of buttons and a glass object that bathe your face with light when you're soaked in the darkness of your surrounding.
Why do I have to talk to get it across? I want someone to feel what I feel without having to talk... Hug me without having to ask!
I was thinking that when we lose someone, we feel sadness, but then the memories stay with us as long as we WANT them, but what if we lose the memories when we DON'T WANT to? Well, you still have the "someone" but in a different way and under a different shadow - not light!. Shall I wait till I have new memories? or shall I stop keeping them to avoid going through the possibility of losing them again? Can the future replace the past?
Well, we lose a lot as we go and as we grow, but we forget and when we remember, we can't help but feel sad or nostalgic!
So here I go, sharing my thoughts with the bunch of buttons and the mixture of light & darkness while recording some memories, that I hope I wouldn't lose one day!

ركزوا شوية بأة

2005-10-20T02:08:00.000+02:00

جاتلي كام فكرة وموضوع حلوين أوي بس للأسف نسيتهم! يا ترى ليه بيحصل كده؟

Sweet Dreams!

2005-10-14T02:25:00.000+02:00

Have you ever had a dream that summarized your life? where you stand now? and maybe what you should do next? I had one last night and it put me in a very strange mood when i woke up. Silence and reflection.
I looked up dreams and the interesting fact is that we all dream at night many dreams - the same frequency per amount of sleep, but the reason why we, sometimes, think we didn't is because the memory fades. Kollo maktoub hena
So... there's nothing as "I never dream" or "I have very few dreams"
I always wanted to learn techniques on how to remember my dreams because I believe they have a lot of messages and deep insights till one day a wise woman told me "life is full of signs that we need to pay attention to. You don't have to seek them in your dreams!"
Sweet dreams although the others tell much more ;-)

Quote! Give it a thought keda...

2005-10-14T00:46:00.000+02:00

When the world pushes you to your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray.

Another Handِِ

2005-10-11T18:48:00.000+02:00

Today, it happened again! As if reminding me or making sure that I have "TO DO" something... Either fall, rise or float. However, despite it looked like a harmful hand, i feel it's pushing me up. It brought something out of me... Something I wasn't sure I had or not sure if I was capable of. True! We're very interesting creatures! Always exploring and discovering. Today, I felt my fire!

بين السما والأرض.... بين الصحو والنوم

2005-10-11T01:18:00.000+02:00

عارف لما تكون فعلاً محتاج تنام؟بتدخل في مرحلة غريبة جداَ. أنا ماببقاش عارفة إذا كنت صاحية ولا نيامة ولازم أركز عشان أحدد إني لسه في حالة الوعي. المهم بما إني حسة بكده دلوقتي فقررت أكتب وأقول (فبل أن أدخل في اللاوعي) إني أعتقد بل متأكدة أن هذه اللخظات هي من أصدق وهي أقرب ما تكون من ذاتك وحقيقتك. بتكون على طبيعتك تماما من غير فلاتر الوعي. أنا نمت!!

Pushing Hand

2005-10-10T01:48:00.000+02:00

I'm always reluctant to post. Sometimes shy, most of time feel I won't be adding anything to anyone; all the time feeling writing isn't my thing. I don't have the gift of writing, I know. I'm better with pictures, I guess ;-) However, what encouraged me to write today is seeing my blog on top of a list recommended by a friend. Etkasaft and said to myself... Ekhs, I have to write something although there isn't something particular in my mind.
So a month ago, I asked a friend to help me make this blog more useable by me. Something to accomodate to my limited skills and what I'm capable of sharing e.g. pictures, inspiring words, interesting announcements and some posts bardo maydorresh! But seems that my follow-up skills aren't much different than my writing ones.
Funny what I'm writing - very simple, superficial and ay kalam although today was a tough day for me... A turning point, maybe! What you think bad might turn out to be the best or, let's say, the very thing you needed. I can see it now!! It's like standing on the edge of a cliff and suddenly comes a hand that pushes you forcefully towards the nowhere leaving you no choice of leaving this edge that you've been clinging to for so long. However, you have the choice of either to fall OR to fly! (I told you I'm better with visualization)
Now you have all kinds of scenarios. You can be the kind of person who'd fall and enjoy being a victim "someone (not me) pushed me"; or you can fly and say "look at brave me! I decided to fly". You can just be indifferent and just leave yourself in the hands of the wind... either to push you up, pull you down or keep you floating.
Of course you could've chosen to have your legs rooted where you were standing or not allowing anybody or any "hand" to be around you, in the first place. Do you think this is possible?
Anyway, I'm grateful for today's hand!

"عشان كده"

2005-08-11T06:50:00.000+03:00

امبارح كنت في شارع مصدق وأنا بركب العربية جه واحد من البياعيين الغلسيين اللي عايزين يبيعوا اللي معاهم بالعافية. الأغالس من كده بأة إنه كان بيبيع شرائط قرآن ودروس عمرو خالد.
- "شكراً"
- لأ... أستفتح
_ مش محتاجاهم
_ دول بركة
_ مش عايزة
_ إنتي عارفة بكام طيب؟
لما زهقت قررت أخضه أو يمكن كان رد فعل تلقائي فقلت له
_ "أنا مش مسلمة"
وساعتها بص لي بصة غريبة جداً وفيها معاني كتيرة وما أدراك بالمعاني وراح قايل "عشاااان كده"

animals a.k.a 7AYAWANAAT

2005-07-23T11:52:00.000+03:00

"We patronize them for their incompleteness, for their tragic fate of having taken form so far below ourselves. And therein we err, and greatly err. For the animal shall not be measured by man. In a world older and more complete than ours they move finished and complete, gifted with extensions of the senses we have lost or never attained, living by voices we shall never hear. They are not brethren, they are not underlings; they are other nations, caught with ourselves in the net of life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendour and travail of the earth."

-- Henry Beston, circa 1925

ta ra ra raaaaaa

2005-07-22T12:15:00.000+03:00

Aiwa... I'll write about mazzika - not the channel though! Bal gheza2 ar-roa7. Do22i ya mazzika welli ye7ebb ennabi yezo2. Ay kalam!!
A passing thought now that's irrelevant awi here: I was surprised how my writing style (if any aslan) can change when I think of the people who'll read that. It changes as I think of different people. I'm sure you felt the same at one point. However, do you think those who don't feel the same have more integrity, that is, they have one way to say it no matter whom they're talking to? Are they clear of what they want to say and how? Or is it that they are careless!! Anyway, do you think it's important to make this distinction? Why I'm trying to be judgemental now? It's good to have all these differences anyway. This what makes life or whatever we're living (or not living, possible bardo) more interesting or rich. Hmmmm, "interesting"... "rich" why should they mean something positive? As you can see I'm bahayyes tamaman bas good to keep the flow and put away those scissors we have in our minds. Just hope nobody reads this. I was thinking bardo why would I post this if I don't want anyone to read it. i think it's because i have a good chance not to lose it and i can get back to it (although i don't think i would want to come back to soemthing as meaningless as this) anytime from any place. Or maybe deep inside i want to share it.
Bardo el mawdoo3 da brings confidence i.e. knowing that you can and able to share nonesense like zes wiz za worledd :)
However, since I wouldn't like to sound like a heroine, there's a lot of cowardness into that. The fact that you're behind your computer writing without anyone interrupting or intimidating.
Shofto ba'a el mazzika 2alabett ay kalam. When you think about it aho kollo ay kalam.... el kalam elli 3ayzeen nesma3o or nefhamo to be in our comfort zone or any zone we "choose"... khallo balko men el kelma di "choice" - mohemma gidan!! kollo is our choice ;)
I'll stop here. KEFAYA MASKHARA WI ELLET ADAB... 2aal mazzika 2aal. GOHANNAM WA BE2SS AL MASEER :)

El 3ao!

moments....

2005-06-28T11:26:00.000+03:00

A couple of days ago, a friend of mine said life is all about moments. It really hit me and I thought it's sooo very true. Very beautiful, isn't it?
Today I received an email from another friend with this quote:
"The rare moment is not the moment when there is something worth looking at, but the moment when we are capable of seeing. - Joseph Wood Krutch"
Do u have anything you want to share about that? moments!!

Questions

2005-05-22T02:09:00.000+03:00

life

Do we invite them? attract them? or are they always there and you just start noticing them at certain times?

Well it doesn't matter... more importantly, what is the wisdom behind that? Why do we have to go throug it all? Yeah, for a reason, but do we always get to know this reason? Should we look for it? let it come to you?

Ok... you learn then you do the same thing again. Interesting!

Life is full of questions and I guess this what makes it worth living...
I guess it's not about finding the answers, it's mostly about LIVING THE QUESTIONS

Elba mountain photo exhibition

2005-05-21T01:59:00.000+03:00

come to the exhibition tomorrow!

First, I'm impressed that I was able to upload a photo on my own!! That's something wallahi... To tell you the truth, I'm a complete ignorant when it comes to technology!
El mohem ba'a tomorrow (Sunday) is a photography exhibition at Sakia that I'm participating in. This is one of the pictures that will be there. The other photographers are just GREAT. They have amazing pictures fe3lan. The photos were taken in a trip three months ago to the disputed area of Elba mountain on borders with Sudan. I loved it... i learnt many things about myself; the most important of which is that I'm NOT a mountain climber :)

See you there!

Apology wi Thanks wi Mo7raga!

2005-04-08T02:08:00.000+02:00

Sabah el foll,
This is something that I wrote last month and thought I lost it before posting it. Bas here it is... Not lost!! El kalam el 7alal mabeyde3sh bayen :)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry for not posting something since then!! I learnt that butterflies live for only one day so this might be a good excuse for having disappeared after my first day here.
I would also like to apologize for not writing in Arabic. I'm very bad at writing actually (sawa2 engleezi walla araby walla faransawy. Ya lahwi 3al faransawy - matfakaroneesh!) Wallahi mafeesh a7san men loghet el esharaat :)
This is one of the reasons I feel "mo7raga". The second reason ba'a enni I visited many of the blogs and I was really impressed. Eih el halawa di!!! Kalam kebeeeeer awi. I felt I should never write, to tell you the truth bas ghayyart ra2y as I felt like writing. The best thing ba'a enn you all have the right not to read! Besara7a kaman your comment atharett feyya awi :) I think el na3ama wi wa7sh el shasha bezzat 3arfeen ana ezzay bat'athar. Ya na3ama, momken to2oolili why you chose to be an ostrich? I'm very curious.
Finally ba'a, I would really like to thank you all for your comments. I'm not sure I'll add anything to you, but maybe a touch of color and happy spirit - butterfly ba'a!

2005-03-02T21:59:00.000+02:00

Thanks ya Ahmad for showing me how to upload photos to my blog. We're still exploring though... Hope I'll be able to do it on my own when I go home. I love the picture, by the way! Don't you ever cut your hair :) Oh!! one more thing, I'm enjoying my time here a lot. Your house is beautiful, cozy and warm... full of peace and love. We were listening to Il postino with Dina a while ago which was beautiful and now we're listening to Fairouz "sabah w masa" while eating nuts ;)

ahlan wa sahlan

2005-03-02T00:21:00.000+02:00

Today I created my blog! with love! I believe it makes a world of a difference when you do anything with love and amazingly enough, people can feel it.
So... this blog was created on March 1st. Nice date. It's 30 minutes past 12 though. Anyway, I love this month.... SPRING! One week ago it was freezing here in Cairo (relatively, of course) and now it's already hot! This is one thing that's beautiful about Egypt. Nothing is predictable!!
Today was a beautiful day. I did some work for Fat'het Kheir and sent some motivational emails to the group. It just felt great. Fat'het Kheir is really special and very dear to my heart. Hope I can pay back what it gave me...
I've been thinking lately of having a clear vision to my life. I put down some ideas and today I was thinking maybe I should plan to work at Fat'het Kheir for one more year and start on something else. Well, it's a short term thing. I just hope I can make some difference during this year.
Yesterday ba'a, I had a WONDERFUL time at Omar Khayrat's concert... Beautiful music. I was really touched with the music. Some brought me happiness, some made me quiet vulnerable and sentimental. It's true what they say "al moseeqa ghedha' el roa7!" How some people say it's 7aram?? Well, I have to respect their opinion, but I feel it's a pity depriving themselves of something as beautiful as that.